Plans

So school starts in three weeks and I am finding myself suddenly stressed out. I have no way to pay for the schooling I want this semester and dont really want to go into more debt by getting loans. The other discouraging thing is that I really really dont want to work through another semester. I am going nuts by not doing anything. Just work is not a good thing for me. So I am trying to figure out what to do. Any suggestions? Because right now it looks like work is the only option. I guess thats all I had to say. ha ha ha

Brad

Well here at last is a picture of Brad and I together. We had gone bowling with a bunch of friends and one happened to have a camera. This is one of my favorite pictures so far. I'll put another one up soon from our trip to Denver.

Realization

So Brad and I have been dating for over a week now as an official couple. And its been one month since our first date. This last weekend he went up to a family cabin for a big reunion type deal. I didn't think I would miss him as much as I did. Everyday was almost a painful reminder he wasn't home. But the happiest parts of my day were the sporadic texts I would get when he would find cell phone reception. Saturday night after fireworks were over, I got a message from him and automatically my countenance lit up. It was a simple message but meant a lot. However the next message in response to mine has made me smile and giggle. It said, "Just two more sleeps and then I'll be home to sweep you off your feet all over again." it was just like a little kid asking how many more sleeps until Christmas. It is by far my favorite message from him.
Anyway so I have now almost met his entire family. Last week I met his moms side of the family who are relatively quiet and reserved but still fun to be around. However last night I met the Watts side and boy was it like a party we have when we all get together. There were at least 50 people in attendance. Loud and noisy with little kids running around and screaming. ;D His aunts are by far my favorite on that side. One reminded me off my aunt Stephanie. Tall slender stylish and in behavior... very similar. It was fun. The best part was that they didn't hold back in making sure I knew who they were or that they weren't knowledgeable as to who i was. Apparently I was a hot subject to talk about over the weekend. It was so much fun getting to know them. Brad's grandpa though.... he is a tough cookie. I was warned that he was very personable and straight forward honest. I took the meeting as a challenge and was surprised that he was so easy to talk too. I also found out that he knew my Great Grandpa Weight. So at least in that respect I have an in to talk to him and get to know him. So after all of this getting to know you stuff with families I am beginning to feel like I'm apart of it.( His family and extended family.) Its a good feeling, and to top it off... well lets just say that I don't think this relationship is in a hurry to end. ;D

I kissed a boy!

So this past month has been full of ups and downs. The last time I posted I was set on not getting into a relationship with Brad. Well that plan went downhill because as of a ½ hour ago Brad and I are dating. I don't know how to really explain how all of this came about.
After our "walk" a couple Sundays ago he went on Trek with his stake, so I didn't see him at all that week. However every night this week we have spent time together. And have cuddled and held hands lots and lots. I have gotten to know his family well and love being around them. We have done various activities this week. We watched Leap Year (great movie by the way) played the piano, he did a guitar recital for me then blew me out of the water as his younger brother joined in on the electric bass guitar ( brad plays acoustic and electric). They played quite a few songs for me then played one that Brad wrote called Memories. So totally attractive by-the-way. ;D I had dinner at his house one night with his family and laughed the entire time due to the humor his family has. I don't know how they keep a serious moment around. Then tonight we celebrated Mom's birthday. She had me invite Brad over for cake and ice cream. I couldn't believe how comfortable he acted around my family! All I've heard this week is how much my family loves Brad. So I guess it makes sense. But I found out from him that he normally isn't comfortable around entire families other than his own. It was a surprising piece of news. Anyway we just all sat around talked and laughed. It was quite enjoyable. Ha ha so I walked him out to his car tonight and we talked some more. Suddenly he throws the question out "So are we dating now?" I hardly thought about it and answered "yes I do believe we are." Obviously I have gotten totally distracted from my goal...but strangely enough I am OK with that. As I was trying to end our conversation tonight ,since it was a bit late, he kissed me! It was perfect! A short sweet kiss! Well like the title states, I kissed a boy. Ha ha ha. So that's my adventure for tonight, I hope you enjoyed reading about it because I sure have enjoyed living it! So I guess there really hasn't been an ending to my story its only just beginning. :)

Story Line

Do you ever feel like you have a story to tell? That you absolutely have to tell it otherwise you will explode? Well in reading my last few posts I realized thats what I've done. Ive started a story and now I feel like I need to finish it- although it doesn't really have an ending because the end hasn't come yet. Let me try to give you the rest of the story line:
Last sunday I went and talked to my Bishop..(at last) and told him my concern over finances for the mission. We talked about it and came to the conclusion that if I save $4000 by september then the ward will cover half of my expenses for 18 months! I was absolutely relieved to hear this and further amazed at the blessing when I was told that the money from the sale of my car was to 1. pay off the loan and 2. any extra be saved for after the mission so I dont come home to not one penny. As I was leaving the meeting the sense of a burden was lifted off my shoulders. I felt elated and so happy to have the realization that things really will work out for me to serve and leave soon after I turn 21. But something the Bishop said to me on my way out has stuck with me very closely. He said, "Satan does not want you to go on a mission, he will try and throw a relationship at you." Wow he couldn't have been more dead on. The reason I mention this is because I have begun to feel very unnerved about what is happening with Brad and I. He is interested in me, its plainly obvious, but I don't feel like I am romantically there. Sure I enjoy the attention and the one on one time we have but I feel like I'm cheating him of something. On thinking about this I decided that it would be best not to try and pursue a quote "relationship" rather I would feel more comfortable with a growing friendship. I'm trying to focus on going on a mission how can I do that when I have a constant reminder someone is there pursuing me? I feel right about my decision and have been assured that Brad will understand and support me once he is told of my decision. I respect him and have no desire to hurt him and frankly I'm scarred about talking to him. I pray that Heavenly Father will guide me and help in this decision. I just hope that Brad wont hurt too badly.
Anyway that's the end of the story that hasn't ended yet. Does it make any sense? Cuz my head is still spinning.

Dating vs. Mission

So in my previous post I talked about going on a date with Brad. I had been looking forward to it all week. I was almost giddy with anticipation. Well we went out last night and boy was it fun. We had pizza in the park, strolled for a while then went bowling. It was so enjoyable!!! However as soon as I walked in the house I knew something was different for me. I didn't come home like I normally would and say, "Oh it was so much fun!!!!" and be all giddy about a wonderful date. No, I came home and immediately wanted to cry. Yesterday morning I had a spiritual slap right across the face. I was playing the piano and the thought clear as day and very loud said, What are you doing?! You are supposed to go on a mission. Why haven't you worked on your papers more frequently? That's what you are to be doing.... I was brought to tears by this thought and found more thoughts like that going through my head the rest of the day. Let me tell you, that was pretty unsettling. I guess the reason would be because I had this small sliver of hope that I would find someone to be interested in and date and go into a relationship with. So when I got home I was confused and well.. unsettled. I called my friend up and he immediately told me to do four things: 1. pray 2. read my patriarchal blessing 3. read the scriptures 4. go to sleep. I did exactly that. I prayed for confirmation on going on a mission to be comforted and feel committed. Then read my blessing which brought the confirmation and comfort. Next I read my scriptures which gave me the commitment. Finally after saying another prayer I went to sleep with thoughts of putting zeal into preparing to go on a mission. I feel so much better now. I just need to let everybody know ( including Brad) that I'm going on a mission. Its the right thing for me to be doing. Anyway that's my story about my date. Pretty exciting huh?

Crazy!

Well I finally have been able to start on my mission papers. I never realized how truly deep they are. Questions would come up asking about my ancestors nationalities which totally threw me off for a minute. I just wasnt expecting those questions. Anyway its been an interesting experience. But my main motivation today is to tell you that I'm going on a date. You are probably wondering why thats so exciting. Well I am happy to tell you why. I have this really great girlfriend who I was really close too. Until she got married... anyway.... anytime we were together with a group of guys she would be the one who all the men payed attention too. I could flirt and do all the same things and still be left on the side of the road. It got so irritating that I hated going places to hang out with guys with her. Anyway since she got married I haven't been on any dates. At all. Any date I went on she would have set it up. So theres the history. Here is the exciting part, which I'm sure you've already guessed. There is a guy named Brad Watts who I have occasionally spent time with due to friend functions. I never bothered to talk to him or anything until last week. A group of us went to play Ultimate Frisbee for YSA. Afterwards we went to his house and talked. He and I ended up talking quite a bit and laughed a ton. Then on Friday and Saturday we hung again with our friends. Only on saturday he had his arm around me in the car. When we (being Tonya, Rocio, and I) droped him off at home he flat out asked me out for Thursday!!! In front of the girls and all. I have to say bravo to him because I can only imagine how nerve racking that would be. I immediately said yes and that I would love too, because lets face it that doesnt happen to me EVER!, and he is very attractive, and such a gentleman. Which is a plus. ;D Then saturday night I realized that my friend Julie isnt around and that it was just me recieving the attention from him!!! I have been completely dumbfounded by the discovery because I'm not used to this attention whatsoever. Anyway thats my story. I am so super excited and cant wait for thursday to come around!!!