New adventures

Well its been two months!!!! And in some aspects it seems long and others it feels like the time has flown by. But the time has been good and I have learned lots. I am slowly and I mean very slowly making new friends in the ward. Names are starting to become familiar as well as faces. I have spent lots of time with the sister missionaries doing team ups and have recently just taught my first Sunday School Lesson. Which was amazing. I thoroughly enjoyed preparing and teaching it. Another big thing that has happened is school. I was officially accepted into the Community college's academic transfer program. I am very excited and looking forward to finally getting the opportunity to go back to school for however long I can afford it again. It seems to be the same cycle: earn money, spend it on school, deplete savings, try saving again do it over. Except that saving thing usually takes me a year or so to save enough for a semester and a half. Its beginning to frustrate me and I have no idea if I can even get grants or loans for that matter. And everyone around me either tells me forget the loans or get the loans. Yes, it is a constant struggle. On the bright side, I have a job and a place that I can live for free. So it evens out Right? .... maybe. Anyway that's my story for now, New Adventures are here!

A letter to All

Are there words to describe everything that's happened in the last month? Maybe... On Sunday as I was sitting in church, I realized that it had been a month since I got my answer to move. So much has happened since then that if feels forever ago. I'm not going to lie, its been tough the last four weeks. A lot of emotion and tears have been present, but a lot of learning has happened too. As much as everything is changing there is one constant. And that is the ache in my heart to be with my family. The people who I love more than anything. If it wasn't so fresh in my mind the reminder that the Lord guided me here to move to Nebraska, I would be packing my car and racing home. Its not bad here just...... hard. Work has got me stressed because things are different than what they told me before I moved, so much so that in order for me to go to school I need a second job. On the upside, which there are a lot of pros to this situation, its great living with my Grandparents. I'm so grateful that I have a room here, a bed to sleep in, and food. I have been blessed with aunts and uncles who check in on me weekly and invite me to be with them. I am being watched over. I have no reason to complain about company because I have it with family and new friends that I am making. But at the same time I would give it all up to have a hug and a kiss from my mom and dad. To be with my brothers and sister. To cheer them on in their endeavors. To do gingerbread houses and sugar cookies with mom late into the night. To get into the Christmas spirit by going to Temple square with everyone and seeing the lights. My youngest brother asked me last night when I was coming home to visit and it just made me cry really hard. I had to tell him I don't know. But that I love him and that I cant wait to see him. Today was the first day in a week and a half that I haven't talked to my family and I can tell the difference. The ache in my chest is strong and overwhelming. How do people do this? How can they just move away and get over it? I miss my family I miss my friends I miss the stresses of my old life. So I keep asking myself why am I out here? What am I supposed to learn? What am I supposed to do? When am I going to find out and how? I am looking forward to do new things to meet new people to create me. The me I want to be for the rest of my life. To find what I want to do with school and jobs. To strengthen the weak points in my life. But how? Its a big world out here, outside of my parents home where you feel protected from the frights of growing up. I suddenly find that I marooned myself on an island called Lincoln where I know few people and know even less of my surroundings. How do I make it through this big change? I pray every night that with each passing day Ill find a way to make it work out here and that it will get easier to go on. But I still go to bed crying and wondering how I might be able to get back to Salt Lake even just to visit. If you didn't know before, I moved out here after praying on a suggestion and earnest research. I needed a drastic change from my everyday life of cranky people at work, not being able to go to school, and wanting a change in my social life. I got my answer and I moved. Boy have I gotten that change. But as negative as this post seems to be I want you to know that I look positively on the future. It's going to be hard I know that now. I thought this would be easy. A piece of cake from not hitting any red lights in getting ready to move. But I have hit them now. And they are things that could have easily happened in Utah.

I want my parents and siblings to know that I love them so much!!!!!! I am so blessed to have them for my family. I am so grateful that my parents raised me up to be a strong person to be independent, to stand strong in the church and to have high standards. I am grateful for all they have taught me and shown me through out the years. I'm so grateful for their testimonies and examples. And I am grateful that they put up with all my rebelliousness and silliness of being a teenager. I wouldn't be me, Randall , if it weren't for them. So thank you Mom and Dad. Thank you so much for loving me. I realize now how much I rely/relied on you and how much I love my family. I love you.

Love,
Randall

Moving is so EMOTIONAL!!!!!!!!!

Have you ever sat down to Blog and then look at the page as if you type its going to come alive and bite you? Or just simply cant come up with a way to say something you know you want to say? Well thats me today.
There are a lot of emotions running through me this week. The majority are of excitment, anticipation, nerves... but one that keeps coming back is just sad. Many things go into this emotion, regret, the fact that im leaving my friends and parents, walking into the dark, and knowing this is going to be hard. Dont get me wrong, I am so thrilled to finally be doing something out there but of my own accord. To take the chance and start a new life. A life thats all my doing. Creating me and who I am. But this one emotion is what has made me cry myself to sleep the last couple nights. So how can I move forward from this emotion? Put all my energy to moving and taking care of things? Any suggestions? Im sure there will be many more tears especially next week when I do move, but until then I need to keep going. Wednesday doesnt seem that far away anymore.

Blessings and Miracles

So in trying to get my transfer all squared away in Lincoln, some struggles have come up. Either employees will be hired by the time I arrive or shifts just arent open. Yesterday was a downer day since thats all I found out on the matter. As I was saying my prayers last night I started praying really hard that more progress would be made so that I could have a job while I'm in Lincoln. This morning I woke up to a phone call from a store next to Grandma and Grandpa's house, the Pharmacist said he has 3 shifts a week open and that they can be mine! And that another store has 2 shifts open!!!! I couldnt believe it. Through my groggy eyes and not awake vocal chords I wanted to shout hooray and cry. But I didn't. ;D I am throughly blessed and these little bumps and resulting miracles make my convictions stronger that moving is definitely what the Lord would have me do. And reminds me that he will prepare a way. I am so excited and grateful for the great start to the day especially when this week has been really rough. Watch out Lincoln, HERE I COME!!!!!!!!

New Beginnings!!!

So for the last little while I have been looking for a change to my life. Something that would include going to school getting away from home and growing up a little bit. And I finally found it. IM MOVING!!!! Yes, thats right I am moving back to Nebraska where I can go to school cheaper at the community college than out here at the community college. Kind of lame but oh well. Also work (Walgreens) is getting me a transfer to one of the stores in Lincoln. Hopefully I hear back soon but it takes 6 weeks to complete I guess. Any way thats just the update for now. Im excited and I know that its the right thing to do. Hooray!!!

So grateful!

So in the past month I have found myself very grateful for the job that I have. It can be so difficult sometimes to try and put yourself on the same page as your patients and be able to effectively communicate with them. For a long time I have looked at the past three years and have been throughly disgusted with the way my life has taken its course. I have constantly struggled to go to school, work, and be healthy. I always complained about the money not being saved and going into the "stupid circumstances" that always seem to creep up. However as my dad and I were talking one night I spiritually discovered an urgent need to change my perspective. I each day I find myself more thankful that the Lord has provided for me. Well now you might be asking how and I will happily tell you. If it wasnt for the miraculous timing of getting my license and applying to go to BYU-I, i wouldnt have the job I still have today. My job transfer did not go through to Idaho. I could have easily not had the job should I moved to idaho. Instead the lord provided a means for me to stay home work and pay for the appartment in Idaho I didnt live in. I went to school for the first time in a year and half at the University of Utah and payed in full for it. Next it was time to buy a car. I needed to work yet again and could not take the bus and work enough time to make the income needed. Again because of my job I was able to put a $4000 downpayment without a co-signer and still have enough to pay for school. The final miraculous blessing of my job came into full fruit last January as I went to have surgery. Because I had saved and saved and saved I was able to pay in full without loans for the surgery in seven months. And I still have my job to this day with great Credit. Its been a true eye opener this last year. And I cant go a day without telling my Father in Heaven thank you for it. Sure enough each experience has been heart wrenching to me but now as I look back with a new perspective its has become easier to remember the trial. I am so grateful.

Tough Love

The last three weeks have been extremely trying and stressful. With trying to find some way to go to school, work and feel good about it all I have worked myself into a frenzy. And then to top it all off Brad and I hit a rift in our relationship and from there everything has gone downhill. I think I have finally realized that I stopped listening to promptings while dating Brad about the mission. Before Brad came I had received my answer and things started working out so I could turn my papers in. But because I loved the idea of dating Brad I thought the lord put me on another path. Well he didn't I did. And I am now finding myself currently single as of tonight. My heart isn't broken and it was a mutual break up. I feel bad for hurting him. I just finally listened to a red alarm in my heart. Anyway so that's the update. I am pretty sure I will be finishing those papers here soon and working towards scrapeing money together again. It has definitely been a lesson of tough love this month.